i used to think that climbing mountains, traversing glaciers, and scrambling up rock faces was difficult. challenging, both mentally and physically. the hardest moment of my four years attaining my degree in outdoor leadership was the morning we were woken by chris, at something like four in the morning, being told that he and a "friend" had been out collecting snow for their water and an avalanche had come and buried his friend. first thought, take a deep breath, it is only a drill. second thought, don't cry, as i crammed my foot into my frozen snowboard boot. lorraine and i suited up on one side of the snow cave while mark and jeremy grabbed their gear on the other. we were exhausted. our feet hurt like nothing before and they wouldn't fit into the frozen boots. our jackets were frozen solid. our minds were blank, we had been tested until late the night before and now were up as the sun barely broke over the horizon. we ran, we ran hard with our gear in hand to the spot the "friend" had been lost. we divided into teams and began our search. in deep snow we ran with our transceivers back and forth across our beeping grid. i used to dream that beep in my sleep. chris and dave stood and watched our every move.
this was probably the hardest day mentally and physically i had ever encountered.
then i had children.
my days changed.
i no longer climbed mountains, i found trails that would be suitable for babies and toddlers.
i wore sneakers instead of hiking boots.
i sold my mountaineering boots.
i purchased crib mobiles.
i hung up my rock climbing harness and held my childrens hands as they scrambled up rocks at the beach.
i was woken at ridiculous hours not by my instructors to be tested, but by my children and i was tested.
my gear took on a little dust and my shoulders no longer hurt from carrying the weight of my pack, instead they were covered with snot and spit up.
life changed.
hard days both mentally and physically still find me, they just look a little different.
for example.
the song is called "waka waka" and i received it from a friend who sends me mixed tapes. the best of friends are the ones who send mixed tapes no matter what era. the lyrics to this song put a smile on our faces, we took it with us most everyday. the words go something like this...
your a good soldier
choosing your battles
pick yourself up
and dust yourself off
back in the saddle
your on the front line
everyone's watching...
the pressures on
you feel it
but you've got it all
believe it
this song helped carliegh and i through the challenging times, the times that exhaust you, the times that make you want to cry, the times that you are not prepared for. i would say that these days are on par with the old days in the mountains.
i guess the best thing to do in these moments is to dance it out...literally, dance it out.
