happy birthday Jesus

today we celebrated our Christmas as we will be heading to the island tomorrow and won't be back until after the new year. after a late night of finishing touches we awoke to a birthday celebration.

"happy birthday Jesus"...

i made the girls matching bags to carry their baby stuff in

the new babies

birthday cake for Jesus i am so blessed by my little family. merry Christmas.

Christmas is here

for the family that i grew up in, Christmas brought a lot of pain. despite the copious amount of hours my mom put into the season to make it "more" for us, there was a tension that i just didn't understand as a child. as an adult, i can see the hurt and know of the destruction that caused so much pain for my dad and as a result understand why he finds no joy in Christmas at all. words would do no justice to explain the situation and circumstances that surround my dad and the weight that he continues to live under. nor would they touch the effort and number of trees my mom continues to decorate with in order to find the peace we are to celebrate. a dynamic that has made Christmas guarded and excited in the same moment.

but moment begets moment, growth begets growth and so new life comes of an old one, and here we have Christmas in a new family. so with a full heart i give thanks for where i have come from and where we are headed.

the beginnings of Christmas this year brought a new event. the church Christmas play. although i do believe i have never been apart of a more disorganized, and uninformed church event, it went on regardless. and it brought with it a new excitement for the season. though she practiced the song they were to sing forever, and refused to sing on stage, there was a new joy, a look through new eyes at what we are here celebrating.

then snow fell and i felt a wave of peace, a sense of thankfulness in the small things that make up our family, that make up our larger families. and Christmas was here.

so i documented it the only way i know how. these are our humble beginnings.

-sophie, our sheep who stands a good head taller than any other child in the 2-3 year old class-

-found more excitement in the song being over than in the singing of it. when she came off the stage she said to scott, "yeah, i didn't sing, maybe next time".-

-new Christmas pj's from nana-

-a walk outside to enjoy the beauty of the snow-

three

our beautiful sophie rayne. you are three. you are a child of God, you are beautiful and you are free. this is something that we have you repeat, however you think you should say, you are beautiful and you are three!

my heart feels heavy as i sit here to write you.

another year older, so much change, you are stunning, i can't imagine life without you. sophie you are such a source of joy. you have your daddy's belly laugh, anyone beside you can't help but laugh along with you. you have eyes that speak truth for your emotions pour out of them. you are kind, not patient, you love well but have yet to have many other fruits of the spirit, they will come my sweet girl, they will come.

oh sophie, if i only knew you would be this little girl, i would have had you sooner so i could have you in my life longer. i love to hold your hand. we have the best games together, when we go for our walks you often pick a different path and say to me, "i'll meet you there". then you run one way and penny and i run the other only to meet up together at the end. simple, but i treasure it. when you say "i love you", you count out five so's on your hand in order to say, "i love you so and so and so and so and so much". please don't ever stop that. you are independent and stubborn, you have changed the world.

i love you. i love the memories i have with you. i love how unique you are. i love that we laugh together. i love the feeling of your arms around my neck and your hands on my face as you kiss my cheek. i love hearing you sing about Jesus. i love watching you interact with penny. i love how much you miss your dad during the day. i love you.

you are a blessing to us. we cherish you. may the Lord see that you grow in His ways, that you follow His lead, that you hold His commands in your heart. may you never be fearful of anything. may you dance your dreams out in faith. may your heart be full of love and never hurt. may you share your beauty with all around you. may your passions be a reflection of the gifts the Lord has given you.

love well precious little girl. love well for you are well loved.

sunshine and sweaters

sometimes i refuse to take my camera with me on trips or walks as i really think it important to be in a moment instead of trying to always capture the moment. i believe that a different element occurs when looking at memories through a lens and so sometimes i just want to see with my own eyes how my family is growing, interacting, and experiencing each other. and yet other times all i want is to somehow capture these moments in 'film'. somehow have them documented and recorded so that when scott and i are left at home by ourselves and are just a little bit insane, we can look back and remember what adventures our days were filled with.

this is my favorite. red noses, bright sunshine, blue skies, cold bitten cheeks, and homemade sweaters.

-a rare occasion when sophie asks to have her photo taken- -the "don't mess with me" eyes, along with the rug burnt chin and raisin chewing mouth-

-how do you capture love, love between a father and his children?-