sometimes...

sometimes i wonder what i did...i was not a rebellious little girl, or even big girl, in fact i say that i still have that coming...my stage of rebellion. and yet here i am...enduring days (with very little patience at times) with a beautiful little girl who is at the height (i hope) of rebellion. i gotta say, i love the kid so much, but she drives me a little nutty too! for instance, she was dumping her dinner out of her bowl all over her table top (i was in the kitchen), i saw her and asked her to stop...but she continued, a little bit faster. then i started moving toward her and with incredible speed the child proceeded to shovel as fast as she could her food onto the table...as if she were racing against time...and for what? she knew she was in trouble, so just go for it? and tonight, i was chopping veggies for dinner and a little hand reached up toward the counter and grabbed something, my eyes darted across the cutting board, i knew exactly what she had taken, i told her to give it to me but as i was saying the words she jammed it into her mouth just as fast as she could. i asked her to spit it out into my hand, i went to reach for her mouth to pull it out...she only chewed as fast as she could and swallowed. gross...a rather large chunk of raw onion. to sophies delight, she had it down the hatch before i could get it out. she smiled at me and said "mmmm, good mommy!" scott and i laughed...until tonight. as we were roaring like lions i must have been a bit too close to her face and out came this big roar...her breath smelt so bad, i am having a hard time thinking of how to describe it...it reminded me of when my dad would eat liver and onions...almost enough to make me gag just saying it. and yet she is proud as punch, she got her raw onion and mmm it was good! and yet she is sweet as sweet can be. penelope will be crying and she will take her hand and say "Jesus, love you Jesus, Amen". and when asked who she would like to have for dinner one night, her reply was "ummmm from church, ummmm Jesus". that statement may have brought a little tear to my eye. so the age old question, how do you deal with a girl who may be as stubborn as her mom and as witty as her dad...i suppose a whole lot of patience (which i lack some days...most days). her conversation with scott this morning on the toilet. scott "did you like your little show sophie?" sophie "umm yeah" scott "they were talking about sharing" sophie "yeah" scott "Jesus asks us to share too" sophie "yeah" scott "so are you going to share?" sophie "umm nope!" i just love her, i love her so much it makes me crazy.

compare

my personal opinion is that people should not compare themselves, be it to each other, be it by others, be it trying to put yourself in others shoes. i don't think it is a healthy way to live, nor do i think any good can come of it. we are not each other, we don't think, process, or behave like each other, we are not made the same, we are unique, we are individuals who need each other in relationship but we are not to compare. i can't possibly understand your situation and the pain or joys you feel, the struggles or laughs you have, the way in which you interact with others for i am not you. i have my own set of struggles, my own unique situations that bring me joys, i am my own person, as you are yours. but i do need you. i need you for relationship. i need you for growth. i need you for love. so i am not comparing, trying not to compare, as it is hard especially with two young children and only the two for reference. i try not to make sentences that involve words such as..."well at this age sophie..." "sophie was more like..." and so on. but i admit it is hard. i so want these girls to grow up to be individuals who aspire to be all that they can and admire each other for the traits each other possess, as friends, as people who need each other and love each other, but are not compared to each other. such a thing will only tear them apart. these are our girls at the same age in the same clothes doing the same thing...each unique, each a sister, each beautiful.

penelope anne - january 2009

sophie rayne - april 2007

sophie rayne - april 2007

penelope anne - january 2009

pictures by pia

our girls in december, taken by a friend, Pia.