hope

are you sure its march? i am not sure what happened to the last month but apparently i was not present for it. i need time to slow down just a little, i feel as though i am missing everything. i think that most of my sentences start or end with "if only i had a few more hours in the day", or "if only i had a little more time". but time has not listened to me yet...it just keeps trekking by, with a big fat smile on its face! my biggest fear is that i won't remember this life, this adventure. i am finding it hard to hold onto my little moments, and remember the ones i had yesterday. so today i take a few minutes to post some pictures in order that i will know what i did in my days, who was important to me, and what it looked like to live here.

the girls

reading together...loving together

my second cake...for dan's 30th birthday party! smurfette, i love that my mom gave me all her old cake pans!

these few are for a friend who thinks it is hilarious that my kid drinks bath tub water...from a face cloth...and then says "ummmmm"

this is my life, this is a piece of my heart, these are the little people who hold it in their hands...who sometimes hurt it, who sometimes drive it crazy...but who are beautiful in every way. i wish i could document more, record our conversations, our songs that we sing, the walks that we take...i hope i don't forget. i hope that i can remember forever that my two year old told me to "listen and obey!" i hope that i will never forget her singing "this little light of mine" as she holds up her finger and waves it around...her favorite part, saying "no" to hiding it under a bush. i hope i can always feel her hands on my face, one on either side as she pulls my head toward hers to kiss my check. i hope the smile that takes up pennys whole face will always make my heart melt a little. i hope that my days, as hard as they can get, will always be full of these beautiful children. i hope that i can spend every one of those days with scott, that we can watch these girls grow, that they will be strong in their faith for the Lord, that they will love each other well and find joy in their lives. i hope...

a day of firsts

today was a day of firsts...and though they both have a long (long) way to go, today was the starting point. i know that in my family, and scotts as well, we were told that when bringing home a report card what mattered most was the effort mark...lets be honest, the letter grade also counted, but for the most part what our parents wanted to see was that there was effort being put in. so today i post these pictures and write about these first with the full knowledge that if i were to receive any sort of mark it would not be anything over a C, but i am hoping for a solid G for effort. first number one... sophies hair...in pigtails. her hair has been slow going (no thanks to her dad) since her first birthday, but lately people have been commenting that she is starting to get hair and look like a girl. i thought that pigtails were out of the question as i have often pulled her hair back in my hands only to discover a rather hideous mullet as the top was too short to reach the pony tail i was creating in the back...so i left it. until today. something inside me gave me the courage to try something new, something exciting, something girly...pigtails. the result... first number two... cake decorating...lets get the making part right first. so really this is not a first as the first looked like this, please don't ask any questions, just keep your comments to yourself! the second i know is not anything to write home about, but it turned out and really that is all that matters, especially as it is to be eaten by a bunch of university students who are just plain hungry and could care less what it is they are eating as long as they are eating. so these are my accomplishments for the day. i have a friend who wrote about celebrating yourself...here i am, celebrating my firsts. and the rest of the pictures as really just random, i will walk you through them... the girls just before church, i thought it started at 10 but it is 10:30, so really this could be included in my firsts, being ready for church thirty minutes before need be. a little sing a long time sitting on the pampers box in front of the tape deck...yes, the tape deck.

"if you are happy and you know it say amen...amen..."

"if you are happy and you know clap your hands...clap clap"

RIGHT NOW

i suppose i should be thankful for the fact that my eldest child is listening to me and understanding the words that i say...until...this afternoon in the car we hear sophie say to penny, "hold my hand penny, RIGHT NOW" i looked at scott and laughed...i guess that is what i sound like!

sometimes...

sometimes i wonder what i did...i was not a rebellious little girl, or even big girl, in fact i say that i still have that coming...my stage of rebellion. and yet here i am...enduring days (with very little patience at times) with a beautiful little girl who is at the height (i hope) of rebellion. i gotta say, i love the kid so much, but she drives me a little nutty too! for instance, she was dumping her dinner out of her bowl all over her table top (i was in the kitchen), i saw her and asked her to stop...but she continued, a little bit faster. then i started moving toward her and with incredible speed the child proceeded to shovel as fast as she could her food onto the table...as if she were racing against time...and for what? she knew she was in trouble, so just go for it? and tonight, i was chopping veggies for dinner and a little hand reached up toward the counter and grabbed something, my eyes darted across the cutting board, i knew exactly what she had taken, i told her to give it to me but as i was saying the words she jammed it into her mouth just as fast as she could. i asked her to spit it out into my hand, i went to reach for her mouth to pull it out...she only chewed as fast as she could and swallowed. gross...a rather large chunk of raw onion. to sophies delight, she had it down the hatch before i could get it out. she smiled at me and said "mmmm, good mommy!" scott and i laughed...until tonight. as we were roaring like lions i must have been a bit too close to her face and out came this big roar...her breath smelt so bad, i am having a hard time thinking of how to describe it...it reminded me of when my dad would eat liver and onions...almost enough to make me gag just saying it. and yet she is proud as punch, she got her raw onion and mmm it was good! and yet she is sweet as sweet can be. penelope will be crying and she will take her hand and say "Jesus, love you Jesus, Amen". and when asked who she would like to have for dinner one night, her reply was "ummmm from church, ummmm Jesus". that statement may have brought a little tear to my eye. so the age old question, how do you deal with a girl who may be as stubborn as her mom and as witty as her dad...i suppose a whole lot of patience (which i lack some days...most days). her conversation with scott this morning on the toilet. scott "did you like your little show sophie?" sophie "umm yeah" scott "they were talking about sharing" sophie "yeah" scott "Jesus asks us to share too" sophie "yeah" scott "so are you going to share?" sophie "umm nope!" i just love her, i love her so much it makes me crazy.

compare

my personal opinion is that people should not compare themselves, be it to each other, be it by others, be it trying to put yourself in others shoes. i don't think it is a healthy way to live, nor do i think any good can come of it. we are not each other, we don't think, process, or behave like each other, we are not made the same, we are unique, we are individuals who need each other in relationship but we are not to compare. i can't possibly understand your situation and the pain or joys you feel, the struggles or laughs you have, the way in which you interact with others for i am not you. i have my own set of struggles, my own unique situations that bring me joys, i am my own person, as you are yours. but i do need you. i need you for relationship. i need you for growth. i need you for love. so i am not comparing, trying not to compare, as it is hard especially with two young children and only the two for reference. i try not to make sentences that involve words such as..."well at this age sophie..." "sophie was more like..." and so on. but i admit it is hard. i so want these girls to grow up to be individuals who aspire to be all that they can and admire each other for the traits each other possess, as friends, as people who need each other and love each other, but are not compared to each other. such a thing will only tear them apart. these are our girls at the same age in the same clothes doing the same thing...each unique, each a sister, each beautiful.

penelope anne - january 2009

sophie rayne - april 2007

sophie rayne - april 2007

penelope anne - january 2009

pictures by pia

our girls in december, taken by a friend, Pia.